If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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