I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
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Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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