next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
