I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
