the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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