did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
