four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
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