Non-Jews are for practice
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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