Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
