dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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