so explain again why im purple
no
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
