Michael Bay diarrhea
My pussy is not your playground.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
