my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize