Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
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Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
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Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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