Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
