its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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