If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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