I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Randomize
