and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
