Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
