I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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