I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
