It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
