I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
