how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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