I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
