My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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