fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
