i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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