anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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