don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
