I murdered the dance floor call the cops
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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