using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
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He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
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I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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