She went from zero to smokin in five shots
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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