I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
