I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
