you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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