i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My ATM looks so different sober.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
