drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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