oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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