I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
