1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
