Apparently you make a good broom.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize