was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
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We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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