So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
