eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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