I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
