If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
