you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
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should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
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The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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