i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.