umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
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i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
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i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..