I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️