Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
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He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
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Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.