I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
