either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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