ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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