Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
