I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
