So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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