He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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