Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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